Porn is love you can see.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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