PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
