I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
