I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
