How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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