im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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