I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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