If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
