Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
