My room smells like vodka and shame
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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