For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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