There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
