One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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