I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
