she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
