he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
