pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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