That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
