Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
