Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
