Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
