Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
