Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
