I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
