super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
