Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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