Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
