I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
