Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
