Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
