Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
