I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
my liver is dry heaving
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
