Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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