i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no you cant smoke seaweed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
