I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
