win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
