i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
