I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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