That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
