You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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