Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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