Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
