Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
