My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
