You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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