apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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