i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
