DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
