I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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