she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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